Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Wolf Battles Internet

The internet has, for all intents and purposes, been thoroughly adopted by the global community. While Iranian protestors organize via Twitter and Chinese hackers attack servers in the United States, vast communities of American octogenarians share inane photos of kittens eating cheeseburgers. You may ask, whose left? The answer is one man.

At the same time that complete digital saturation stands at the threshold of massive cultural acceptance, there remains a lone voice of dissent. Most astute readers have probably already guessed that this voice belongs to the man who refers to himself as Lobo.

Yes, the Wolf hates using the internet. Make no mistake though, the Lobo is no luddite. This is a man who intimately understands the mechanical advantages of wedges, screws, pulleys, and levers. This is a man who excels at constructing marble clad edifices. This is a man who can, from two plastic folding tables, create a stunning kitchen countertop. And yet this is a man who dreads nothing more than operating a computer.

The Gmail and the Google give the Wolf the most problems.

Below is a video surreptitiously captured by a trusted ally of the Badger. It opens with the Lobo struggling to access his Gmail account. We see the Badger offering advice (misinformation no doubt) before he leaves the Lobo to his own devices. This is when the true technological frailty of the Wolf becomes completely apparent. Watch as the Lobo shifts from what is known as the "hunt and peck" method of typing to a confused and halting search for the proper key. Watch as his brow furrows in frustration. Watch as his smoke (probably illicit) bounces between his lips. And perhaps most importantly, watch as the mighty Wolf attempts and fails to conquer the internet (the Badger is snickering off-camera).

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