Saturday, April 24, 2010

Wolf Battles Mildew and Mold With Marble

Maintaining a house in a tropic environ is not an easy task. Various forces of nature seek to destroy anything foreign. Termites devour cupboards, cabinets, and doors. The heavy saline air coats surfaces with a salt grime that also attacks the innards of household appliances. And perhaps most pervasive is the tendency for mildew and mold to thrive in the hot and humid fecundity of the surrounding jungle.

Battling these insidious fungal usurpers is best conducted with ironclad vigilance and liberal dispersals of chlorine bleach. Hot spots need to be identified quickly and removed immediately. There is also something to be said for incorporating within the design of the home certain elements that impede the proliferation of mold and mildew. Sufficient ventilation and building supplies that resist moisture are the most common examples of this practice.

In the construction of his home, however, the Wolf decided to create a new paradigm. Yes, he would erect a structure impervious to the threat of fungal invasion using materials most would deem to be counterintuitive to his goals. The result was a striking marble edifice with very little cross ventilation and interior walls covered in a cloth reminiscent of burlap.

But alas, the jungle once again failed to bend to the Lobo's will and mildew rapidly spread over much of the brown fabric adorning the living spaces. As usual the Wolf's response was quick and decisive. The burlap had to go. But what to use in its place? A lesser man would have settled for walls of painted plaster. Yet the Lobo doesn't believe himself to be a lesser man (the Badger does). He is a man that rules over his domain. And so he turned to the past and sought architectural inspiration from those who governed with the moxie and panache that he brings to every day life.

It was only natural that he would settle upon the Roman Emperor Caligula. For whose legacy is more closely linked to both the austere nobility of marble clad structures and the frivolous gaiety that takes place within them? It is hard to imagine a historical figure that more completely envelopes the Wolf's worldview.

And thus the Lobo set about transforming his moldy jungle abode into a stunning architectural tribute to his lifestyle guru. The Badger was there to document the undertaking as it unfolded. As a result of the project he has become convinced that just as Rome teetered on the edge of collapse under Caligula's rule, the jungle reign of the Lobo is precipitously close to implosion. And when the marble dust of depraved insanity settles the Tejon will be poised to grasp the scepter of victory.

The Lobo's Minions Undertake Their Master's Bidding

Roman Bath From Floor to Ceiling

Attention to Detail Even Caligula Would Approve Of

Don Quixote Wishing the Wolf Were a Windmill

Friday, April 16, 2010

Badger Battles Unlawful Incarceration

For the Badger, the bonds of brotherhood run deep. Even in those moments when the fury of battle might threaten to consume all avenues of his consciousness, he retains a constant filial connection with those similarly struggling against tyranny and injustice. That the situations of his oppressed brethren have no bearing on his own conflict with the Wolf is not enough to divorce the Tejon from their struggles. No, the Badger rallies to the needs of his comrades. And today we find him valiantly rushing to the aid of a group of imprisoned tejones.

Brothers in Arms, Held Against Their Will

The details behind their confinement are largely unimportant (they have been locked up to attract the almighty tourist peso). What rankles the Tejon is that they have been placed behind bars at all. For he feels a deep spiritual connection with badgers of all shapes and sizes and to discover that even a small fragment of his brood has been incarcerated for the viewing enjoyment of Mexican toddlers is emotionally crushing.

Badger and Badgers

To ease their suffering and perhaps offer even the faintest glimpse of hope the Tejon poses as a common tourist and slips behind the prison walls. Once there he sets about comforting his long-tailed comrades. The effect of his presence is instantly visible. Watch below as the Badger's gentle words of encouragement transform a despondent tejon into a plucky ball of raccoon annoyance.

In the Face of Great Adversity, A Badger Defies the Forces of Oppression

Having Drunk From the Eternal Spring of Tejon Optomism

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Badger Eats Crow: The Wolf Scores a Victory

To begin, I have to confess a certain bias towards the Badger. Though I like to think of myself as impartial, the ongoing saga that comprises this battle has skewed my normally neutral disposition against the Wolf. For this I can hardly be blamed.

There is no doubt that neither party is immune from criticism. And yet, it is difficult to avoid a certain bonhomie with the otherwise congenial character of the Tejon. After all, he didn't ask to take on the Lobo. He didn't set out to stumble across an enemy capable of drawing his deepest ire. No, he simply found himself in a situation where to refuse to take up arms would spell eventual insanity.

So he fought back. And I have been in the position to document the overwhelming success of his campaign. But today I must report a staggering setback. The string of battlefield successes that has typified the Tejon's conflict with the Wolf has been interrupted by a tidal wave of urine and feces.

That's right, the Lobo's plan to sprinkle chalk at the foot of his gate in the hopes that those who might seek to use his property as a toilet would be dissuaded by the belief that it was poison proved successful. The Badger's skepticism of such a tactic has left him with the daunting task of removing the bodily emissions of a week's worth of Semana Santa revelry from his only path to the beach.

The olfactory repercussions of this defeat are one thing. But perhaps more stinging is the Wolf's regular gloating over the success of his idea. It remains to be seen how the Badger will respond to the bitter taste this turn of events has left in his mouth. For the sake of his sanity and perhaps humanity in general we can only hope that he will respond quickly and decisively. The possibility that the Lobo might use this shift in momentum to further his interests is something no one on this planet should be subjected to.

The Badger Faces a Mine Laden Walk Home

Empty Toilet Paper Roll or Semana Santa Party Favor?

A Proud Warrior, Humbled by Latrine Detail

Now This is Just Too Much

Badger Battles Abject Dejection

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Badger Battles.....Coconuts

The image of coconut palms bent against a sparkling ocean backdrop has largely become synonymous with a carefree coastal existence. To the uninitiated, few things more readily conjure dreams of isolated tropical bliss. And for this reason the iconography of the palm has been used to great effect by advertising and marketing agencies pushing illusions of leisure and escape.

To be certain, the roots of this connection make sense. Palms (though usually not the coconut variety) are often ubiquitous fixtures in resorts and other recreational destinations. And the tree itself is aesthetically pleasing, while also bearing fruit of flesh and milk. In Mexico the coconut is so closely related to a day at the beach that no one would even entertain the idea of heading home without having consumed at least one.

And yet for the Badger, the coconut serves as little more than a reminder of the fragility of his own existence. To many this association may seem odd. For how could a pensioner who gazes upon the prominently placed coconut palm in a beer advert and immediately calls to mind leisure understand the destructive potential hanging precariously beneath those outstretched fronds?

Unlike the Tejon, those who primarily engage coconut palms through marketing campaigns or at extensively manicured vacation destinations have never experienced the dread that accompanies the sudden thump of the fruit unexpectedly hitting the ground next to them. They have never been forced to lie in bed listening to the sporadic sounds of coconuts falling from trees and wonder which will be the one that eventually catches them on the head.

Now make no mistake, the Badger is not afraid of the coconut itself. He is a warrior. Not only does he maintain a constant campaign against the Wolf, but he has also engaged all manners of snakes and horses and scorpions. No, he is concerned about his legacy. For what would the history books say about a man who fought so bravely against such a brutal host of enemies, only to be felled by an errant piece of falling fruit? Would he be remembered for his valor or simply as one the hundreds each year who meet their ends at the locus of head and coconut?

These are the concerns that keep the Tejon up at night.

To minimize the likelihood of such a demise, the Badger has enlisted the Wolf's manservant to periodically arrange for the coconuts to be harvested. In this they have struck upon a mutually beneficial relationship. Dario is able to sell the harvested fruit and the Tejon is able to sleep that much more peaceably. The photographs below depict this process.

Boldly Going Where the Badger Won't

Perfect Pods of Death and Dismemberment

Get Those Things Out of Here

The Badger Cements His Legacy