Badger Battles Coconut Dwelling Crab

With the Wolf frolicking gaily in the wilderness of the Pacific Northwest, the Badger has largely been left to his own devices. Gone are those heady days of endless plotting and counterplotting. Nearly forgotten is the relentless sense of urgency that accompanies conflict at such close quarters. What remains are the smoldering embers of a feud that once burned so hot and fast within the dense Mexican jungle.

That is not to say the danger of a raging firestorm has passed. The Tejon understands that the only thing preventing the hot coals from transforming themselves into a devastating inferno is the introduction of combustible fuel. And in this case reservoirs of potential kindling are vast.

For though the Lobo has temporarily abandoned his Caligulan compound in search of more comfortable climes, the indelible fingerprint of insanity with which he imbues his surroundings remains. Massive undertakings of marble and electricity have not been abandoned. They simply await the return of their lunatic creator.

It is in the inevitable resumption of these efforts that the Badger finds motivation to remain vigilant in the absence of his adversary. He knows that this all too brief detente will pass, and he has committed himself to ensuring a swift and calculated response to the Wolf's return.

To accomplish this goal, the Tejon has been conditioning his combat reflexes by engaging local wildlife in minor skirmishes. He actively seeks out adversaries that bite or sting or pinch and battles them into submission as a means of honing the skills so crucial in his conflict with the Lobo.

Today we find the Badger face to face with a menacing crab. He encountered the beast while gathering coconut bark for the barbecue, and not a man to simply abandon his meal at the first sight of trouble, the Tejon valiantly forced the crustacean into the shell of a burnt out coconut.

From there he gingerly avoided the crushing force of the extended claw and suavely posed for photos with his incapacitated prey. Hardly a man to induce suffering upon an innocent creature, the Badger later released the prisoner to its natural habitat.

The series of photos below depicts the Tejon as he masterfully poses with his adversary. While the Wolf idles away his time sipping cranberry juice and proselytizing his unique brand of lunacy in the western United States, the Badger remains battle ready in the jungles of Mexico. Could this be the tipping point? Only time will tell.

A Fearsome Encounter

These Claws Take No Prisoners

Hey Lil' Darlin'

Predator And Prey Strike An Accord of Peace

Badger Battles.....Coconuts

The image of coconut palms bent against a sparkling ocean backdrop has largely become synonymous with a carefree coastal existence. To the uninitiated, few things more readily conjure dreams of isolated tropical bliss. And for this reason the iconography of the palm has been used to great effect by advertising and marketing agencies pushing illusions of leisure and escape.

To be certain, the roots of this connection make sense. Palms (though usually not the coconut variety) are often ubiquitous fixtures in resorts and other recreational destinations. And the tree itself is aesthetically pleasing, while also bearing fruit of flesh and milk. In Mexico the coconut is so closely related to a day at the beach that no one would even entertain the idea of heading home without having consumed at least one.

And yet for the Badger, the coconut serves as little more than a reminder of the fragility of his own existence. To many this association may seem odd. For how could a pensioner who gazes upon the prominently placed coconut palm in a beer advert and immediately calls to mind leisure understand the destructive potential hanging precariously beneath those outstretched fronds?

Unlike the Tejon, those who primarily engage coconut palms through marketing campaigns or at extensively manicured vacation destinations have never experienced the dread that accompanies the sudden thump of the fruit unexpectedly hitting the ground next to them. They have never been forced to lie in bed listening to the sporadic sounds of coconuts falling from trees and wonder which will be the one that eventually catches them on the head.

Now make no mistake, the Badger is not afraid of the coconut itself. He is a warrior. Not only does he maintain a constant campaign against the Wolf, but he has also engaged all manners of snakes and horses and scorpions. No, he is concerned about his legacy. For what would the history books say about a man who fought so bravely against such a brutal host of enemies, only to be felled by an errant piece of falling fruit? Would he be remembered for his valor or simply as one the hundreds each year who meet their ends at the locus of head and coconut?

These are the concerns that keep the Tejon up at night.

To minimize the likelihood of such a demise, the Badger has enlisted the Wolf's manservant to periodically arrange for the coconuts to be harvested. In this they have struck upon a mutually beneficial relationship. Dario is able to sell the harvested fruit and the Tejon is able to sleep that much more peaceably. The photographs below depict this process.

Boldly Going Where the Badger Won't

Perfect Pods of Death and Dismemberment

Get Those Things Out of Here

The Badger Cements His Legacy