Sunday, August 8, 2010

Wolf Battles The Open Road

It has been recently established that the Wolf is not the type of person who caters to implications that he is in any way "little." He is the Lobo, most certainly not the "Lobito," and when he does things he does them on a scale that leaves no doubt as to the virulent grandiosity of his character.

He doesn't build houses; he builds sprawling mausoleums of marble and stainless steel. He doesn't simply erect power lines; he launches campaigns of destruction that anger myriad government agencies and kill elderly German developers. And when he prepares for his annual sabbatical in the densely wooded mountains of the Pacific Northwest, he doesn't simply purchase a plane ticket and rent a car when he gets there. No, he outfits himself in a style that demands instant respect and attention.

For when one is accustomed to living within the tropical luxury of marble clad insanity, when one expects cold cranberry juice and Walker Texas Ranger, how can one be asked to forsake them when one is away from home? The answer is one cannot. And the simple solution is that one who wants these things brings them on the road.

And so the Wolf has devised a means of transportation that accomplishes these goals, all the while smartly complimenting his lust for conspicuous lunacy and mammoth impracticality. The result is a massive truck/camper combination that pushes at the outer bounds of America's constitutionally tolerant fascination with vehicular absurdity.

The photos below depict the Lobo minutes before his departure for the great green north. It is obvious that even in exiting the field of battle he conducts himself with an eye towards cultivating a sense of intimidating vulgarity. For who could have thought a modified 4x4 Ford F-350 Crew Cab Dually could be dwarfed by anything short of a 747? Who could have thought it necessary on top of all that truck and camper, to attach a steel rack and motorcycle? Who could have thought it prudent to meticulously dye each gray hair in his beard before posing in front of his own automotive Frankenstein with an animal that clearly does not wish to be there. The answer is one man. That man's name is the Lobo.

A Seamless Transition from Marble Mausoleum to Alpha Dog of the Asphalt

The Wolf Den Goes Mobile

A Road Warrior's Ode to Youth in a Bottle
(of Just For Men)

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